When you finally get to work with your role models
They say if you are the best in the room, you are in the wrong room. But nobody talks about the difficulty when you grow out of your old room and your new room is filled with your role models. Then you find yourself far from being the best, and feelings like frustration, demotivation, or jealousy can hit hard.
This is the lesson I learned as an athlete, but I believe you can experience this in any field where you aim for self-improvement and care about what you do.
When I moved countries to work on my career in fighting professional MMA, it was a dream that came true. Nothing could prepare me for the excitement of working with huge names and famous fighters, learning from them, and starting the best friendships of my life. But at the same time, from being one of the best athletes in my old gym, I was suddenly a very small potato. If you ever happen to be in a similar situation, whatever your social context may be, here is a little mental exercise that will help you.
Instead of giving credit to yourself that you made it so far, you would often look around you and compare yourself with others. Which is usually ok if you are in an average crowd. But now, when you have made it somewhere where the level of success around you is just insane, you may feel below average. And that does not help you at all.
I often reflect on my thoughts, so I understand that comparing myself to others is not helping me. Especially when I am an expert in overthinking. I would ask myself:
Why you’re not as good? Do you even have what it takes?
Over time, I developed a simple trick. I believe you can use this in any field once you level up and find yourself playing with the big kids. Here is my advice:
1. Think about what you have in common
Instead of comparing yourself to those doing very well, and feeling bad that you are not as good (yet), think of what you have in common. For example, I may look at an athlete and think: We both have the same background. Or we both work very hard. We never gave up. That closes the gap between you and him/her and helps you feel like you can make it, too.
2. Compare yourself to your old self
Do not compare yourself to people who have a different story, are on a different part of the journey, or in fact, are completely different human beings. How is that supposed to help you?
Instead, look at who you were a year, two, or ten ago. Acknowledge how far you got, and realize that once you were dreaming of being at the spot, you are right now.
If someone told me years ago that I would be living my dream of a full-time fighter training in Thailand with the coaches who inspired me even to start fighting, I would burst into happy tears. Sometimes, we are so hard on ourselves because we believe that if we are not being hard, we won’t be able to succeed in whatever we are doing. Let's normalize that meeting a successful person will inspire us to reflect on what we have already achieved ourselves.
3. Take control over your thoughts
It’s not easy to break the cycle of thoughts when you start down-spiring. Realize that you start comparing yourself to high-level people. Yes, sometimes it is a good thing to analyze how much you need to improve. But you know when your thoughts are actually not beneficial to you. It is OK to feel them, as they mean you are in the right room. But it is also your signal to be aware of your mind. Being aware of your thoughts and emotions is the ultimate key.
There are many people I met in the past months, who were kicking my ass, and I still could laugh at my own humiliation. I learned a lot, and at the same time, I gained friends for life. Instead of thinking: Man, I wish I had the same opportunity or Man, I’m not sure if I ever will be able to do this like her/him, I thought: Look, we have so much in common, and I have come so far already. That must be a good sign that soon, I will make it, too.
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